Why am I doing this?  I often wonder what my purpose is in this crazy life I've been led to.  I work nearly 70 hours a week.  I spend the majority of it in a desk chair staring at my computer screen with a right hand that aches and gets ice cold all too often.  I get anxiety on mini shoot days when my lighting is not optimal.  I have to do my own business management (which I absolutely despise).  I let one negative comment about my work outweigh 100 good ones.  I wear my heart on my sleeve in three areas:  my husband, my kids, and my work.  You talk bad about one of those three things, I'm cut to the bone.  The first two, I may fight back, but the last one, I internalize. 

Crazy as it may seem, I still have a lot of insecurities when it comes to my work.  I hate policies, rules, and even worse....enforcing them.  After all that, I have determined my fear.  Failure...plain and simple.  I'm so afraid to fail.  I know, as a child of God, that even if I fail, He is with me.  Why do I fear?  What is the worst that could happen?  I pack up my camera, and pick up my stethoscope again, right?  My Lord and Savior gave me the talent that has made me successful.  I know that if He chooses, it will all be gone.  He will not leave me....that should be enough for me, but I'm human (doggone it). 

With that being said, WHY?  Why do I choose to live this type of life?  I don't think I chose it...it chose me.  I have a lot of time with my daughters.  I'm present.  I'm in the room with them when they are home.  I'm available to talk with them whenever they need me.  I'm teaching them to cook, which is a miracle because I don't really like to cook.  I'm monitoring homework assignments, making sure they brush their teeth, and carting them to gymnastics and cheerleading.  I'm living the dream that I have had since Kaylei breathed her first breath.  I'm being the MOM I want to be.   Typing that last sentence, I had a light bulb moment.  How can I possibly fail?  I truly believe that God has placed me here.  I feel I can reach a lot of moms just like me in a photography session.  I'm me.  I'm real.  I know how it is to love my child more than I love myself. 

Another reason I love this...I love connecting with people.  I never want you to feel like you are numbers on a check.  I always want you to feel cared for and special.  I want to ease your fears when your child is throwing a fit during his or her session and let you know that it's okay.  Sometimes we have bad days, and your little temper tantrum throwing two year old is loved by me and precious.  I love that moment when I pull out the popsicle and the tantrum is gone and the pics are priceless.  I love watching your babies grow.  I love the feeling when they hold my hand and hug me because I've taken the time to "know" them.

I love watching your shy Senior children turn into pure supermodels at the shoots end because they "feel comfortable" with me. 

I love meeting a sweet couple who've decided to spend their lives together, and one day getting a call that they need maternity pics. 

I love capturing the glow of a beautiful pregnant woman, and weeks later, meeting the "one" who takes her breath away. 

I love preserving the things that truly matter.  Love.  Laughter.  Relationships.  Emotion. 

Thank you!  You are a huge part of the reason I charge those batteries, clean that lens, and format those memory cards.  I can't wait to see what will unfold every time we meet.

Much love to y'all.

Your Family Photographer,

Shan